Barely There

He doesn't really know how to use a pair of chopsticks so I taught him. While he was busy concentrating on picking up the small grains of rice from his bowl, I was busy denying how perfect every moment with him is and convincing myself that all of this is unreal because I can't believe that the person whom I just talk to on twitter and is miles away is having dinner with me. Never did it cross my mind that the gap between us would be so much closer.

We were sitting outside under the bright moonlight sippin' our expensive juice that went a trip around a blender...
Ako: "Alam mo kung bakit walang stars sa langit?."
Siya: "Bakit?"
Ako: "Kasi lahat nasa mga mata mo."
Siya: "Ay... wag ka ngang ganyan."
He couldn't help but smile. The banat was effin' corny and the timing was unexpected yet perfect.

We both have our own stories to share. Similar heartaches, almost the same attitude toward love. The mere thought of him makes my heart skip a beat. Funny, I just remembered a person who told me the same thing. Well anyway, he is such a character. It all started as a joke then we became online friends. I love how we would just talk about anything and make the conversation very interesting. He is very smart but just like me, when it comes to love, books can only do so much and we always get consumed.

He never liked any of my FB status, Instagram pictures and if he would tweet me anything that might be thought of as something intriguing, he would delete it. He doesn't want me to tag him or mention in twitter that we are together when we go out and  he doesn't know that I know exactly why. One time when we were together, his ex called him up and ate a bulk of our time. He was physically with me but his heart was left with someone else but that didn't matter to me at all. I am just happy that I am with him. The kind of joy that you don't get when you are with family or friends.

I feel him when he is lonely, i know exactly what he's going through and it sucks coz I was not there when he needed someone. Worse, I am not sure if he even wants me there so the last time we were together, I gave him a box tied with paper strings and a mirror.

Ako: "Buksan mo lang 'to kapag malungkot ka."
Siya: "Ganun? Okay..."

I looked at him and smiled. The box actually contains an encouraging quote and a piece of paper with instructions that goes something like this: Place the mirror in front of you then smile. What you see right now is the most precious thing on Earth.

A week passed and the day that I feared the most, came. I don't know what happened but he somewhat grew cold to me. I realized that I assumed and what I was thinking was the opposite. I know he just came from a breakup and I thought he is developing new feelings for me but that's not what's happening.

I got jealous of the guy he loved before.
Ako: "You must really love him huh..."
Siya: "Yes I do... before."

Yeah, it made me sad but I had no regrets. Everything was worth it. I never thought I actually needed the box I gave him. I a not mad at him though, probably it's not me and probably it's not him. I might not know the reason why... and I don't think I have to know. Honestly, I am happy right now.

He made me believe in fairy tales again but he added reality to it - not all fairy tales have a happy ending.

I will always respect his decision and I will always be here for him when he needs me.
And with that, sing with me Araneta~!
http://khu.sh/usersong_4fd31d497f603 <<< Click here for this post's theme song

You Made My Fairy Tale Come True

Disclaimer: This is just a repost. Originally written by me and posted some time last year.

"Take care of yourself..."

I hate goodbyes... I really do... especially hearing it from someone who meant the world to me...

"I'll see you when I get there. By that time, you'll probably be with someone else..."

No... you don't know what you are saying...

"Go and find your prince..."

YOU ARE my prince...

"Mahal na mahal kita..."

Your voice cracked and it pierced my heart... I was already drowning in my own tears. I wish I could turn back time and didn't hold back... I wish I could've given you more. Our relationship was very short lived... but to me it was the most meaningful one I ever had. I learned a lot and you changed me...

"Goodbye."

You will be the last fairy tale I will believe in... and as I close this fairy tale book, I will put my hand between the pages. I won't say goodbye because I believe we will see each other again... and I can touch you for the first time.

Bakit?

A lie, in any form will always be hurtful.

They say that actions are stronger than words, but I would conclude that actions can also be lies.

1 year akong hindi naka moveon sa 'yo. Umaasa parin. Someone told me: "Kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo. Ganun lang yon!" Well, itong paglaban lang ang alam ko - ang ipilit ko ang sarili ko sa 'yo, baka sakaling mahalin mo ako. Wala akong pakialam kung out of pity, bastat mahalin mo lang ako.

I am convinced na wala na talagang feelings, pero bakit...

...bakit hinalikan mo rin ako nung hinalikan kita?

...bakit pinigilan mo ang braso ko nung bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap ko sa 'yo?

...bakit mahigpit mong hinawakan ang kamay ko at nilapit mo sa pisngi mo?

...bakit binigyan mo ako ng dahilan para umasa?

I remember that night... that awkward night. Lasing na lahat and I felt pinagtabuyan ako ng lahat ng kaibigan mo, so I obediently walked away. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold any grudge with anyone. I'm not that type. But I must say, mahal na mahal ka talaga ng mga kaibigan mo.

Then after a long time... I see you holding hands with someone else.

Another lie? I don't think so. Whatever it is, I just want you to be happy... binigay mo narin ang "closure" na matagal ko nang hinihintay para tigilan kita. I am not mad and you don't owe me any explanation :)

That Old Cat... and Love

We already have enough cats in our house to form a 3-man ninja cat team... or whatever that means. Well anyway, this dirty, smelly and old cat appeared out of nowhere and was working his way through the rest and scavenging on leftovers.

I didn't want him there so I got a stick and tried to scare him away. Unfortunately, he just went around me and ran to our cats' feeding plate and grabbed whatever he could. I was pushing him away with my feet with gentle force but he was so stubborn.

Then it got me thinking...

This dirty, smelly, old cat is willing to take a few beating just as long as his hunger is satisfied... which directs me to my experience in love. Hunger and Love has something in common - you can control them, delay them, deny them but you will still feel them in the end.

... and you know what? You can push me and scare me away... but I will work my way to your heart. Stubborn? Yeah ;)

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EDIT: NOVEMBER 9, 2011

My mom told me she found the cat lying beside our car... lifeless. I guess his mission to make me realize something is accomplished so he went back to cat heaven.

R.I.P. anonymous cat... and thank you