I Hate Goodbyes

I hate goodbyes. I don't want to say "goodbye"... again.

...but whenever I do, I make sure I say it with a smile, at the very least. Last week I said goodbye to a dear friend. Her name is Jianya Tang... yep, she's Chinese. She went back home to China for good.

We were classmates in De La Salle University - Dasmariñas and we were inseparable esp. during our early freshman years. The story is quite awkward. It's our first day and she's standing in front of our classroom looking at the classroom number and her student form back and forth for like 3 minutes, straight! It's like she wants to assure herself every second that she is in the right classroom. It was my first time in my entire life to approach a girl and straightforwardly ask: "Hi! We are classmates. Can we be friends?" We shook hands and she said: "Of course!" I can't remove the smile on my face that day.

7 years after... I can't believe I'll be saying the opposite. Actually, I didn't... because I don't think I can handle it. She invited me and 2 of our other classmates for videoke and food, we all know that she'll be leaving in 3 days and it will be her last moment with us, so it was a night of endless photo shoot and laughter! Until I sang this:



"Oh, that was a nice song. Thank you very much." Sometimes being emo helps me in converting my feelings into words and so as not to break the spree, I asked my other classmate to sing "Peng You", a Chinese song about friendship. My classmate sang Kim Chu's version which has Filipino lyrics but Jianya sang with her in Mandarin which made the song a beautiful duet.



And just like in movies, flashbacks occurred to me: We eat most of the time together for lunch (she likes sisig and pinakbet); we review together in a "kubo" (kubos are everywhere in La Salle, they're like benches in a park), we laugh at each other, literally. She thinks I'm a dog... =_= then she'll say "Don't worry, you are the cutest dog!" Then she'll laugh with a bucket load of sarcasm; I taught her and her Chinese friends "Pandanggo sa Ilaw" because they need to present a Philippine traditional dance; I sometimes go with her when she does her grocery shopping and we always stop and debate over fresh produce, I developed that invulnerability to peoples' stare every time we talk oh so loud on the street in English; when we laugh, we laugh out loud, it's like the end of the world; I pretend that I am Thai every time we eat in an authentic Vietnamese, Chinese or Japanese resto (and the waiters really do think I'm Thai! XD )...

Haha, if I go on, this blog post would probably never end. In other words, we had no dull moments. It's like we knew each other since we were babies and cultural and language barriers don't exist between the two of us. She is really a one of a kind friend.
So after that videoke night, she called a cab for us... I was about to go inside but then I turned around looked at her for the last time and said: "Ah! I hate goodbyes. Just take care of yourself." We both know it will be an emotional moment so we didn't say much.

I'm sure that she enjoyed her 7 year stay here in the Philippines just as much as I enjoyed her company. I am also confident that after 50 years she will tell stories to her grandchildren about how much she missed this cute dog she met in the Philippines.
I tried not to cry but I'm such an emo! Goodbye "Pinky"... till we meet again... I'm sure we will... somehow.

I Fell In Love With A Boy

Hi allow me to introduce myself, the name's Mikuru Hirai! Pleasure to meet you!

"Mikuru Hirai?" You might be asking what's with the name when in fact, Chase Tatoy is my real name. First off, I am not Japanese nor have a drop of Japanese blood running in my veins. And no, I'm not an Otaku but I love watching certain anime titles. It's just that I adore the culture of Japan and I feel like they have way more fun than any other country, nuff said. So anyway, there you go, if I would rename myself, it has to be a Japanese-sounding name.

"Mikuru" is the first name and "Hirai" is the family name (in Japan it's supposed to be written as "Hirai Mikuru" - family name first).

"Hirai" (ヒライ) came from a popular Japanese singer that I am very attracted to - Ken Hirai. He is in his late 30's but I still find him oozing with sex appeal and I think his voice is so sensual. The name "Mikuru" on the other hand has a rather interesting story.

I was in my last years in college and being the usual bum that I am, I met this high school boy at the arcade. I managed to dig up this stolen video shot of him from my porn stash. Hmm... I wonder why it's there.. well anyway, here he is:


At the end of the video he realized I'm holding a cam so he said: "なんだ? うるせ!" ("Nanda, Uruse!") Which roughly translates to "What is it? Shut up!" The funny thing is, "Uruse" is a vulgar word but he said it while smiling... ain't it cute? XD

He is this average English-speaking, soft spoken boy. He is both childish and childlike in many ways. Let's say, in a school setting, he is the type who is always bullied and pushed around. My other "arcade friends" stay away from him because he talks nonstop about anime and shows his collection of anime drawings even though people weren't interested. In other words, they think he's weird. On the other hand, I don't... I enjoy talking to him and listening to his stories. I don't know if it's just because of physical attraction or whatever but one thing's for sure... what I felt was real and I believe I don't have to explain it to myself or to anyone.

He has this unique smell. He doesn't wear perfume or powder and he doesn't reek of bad odor but his skin has this distinct smell which intensifies my attraction to him every time I smell it.

Where is he now, you ask? I became busy with school projects, thesis and stuff since I am graduating in 2 months or so at that time. It took me quite a while to go back to the place where we usually see each other.

I remember him asking me - "What's your favorite anime?" I jokingly answered "I only watch yaoi." And to my surprise he said: "I sometimes like yaoi, too." And out of nothing he would say random things like: "You know, if I spend a lot if time with someone, I tend to be like that person." I didn't bother asking him what he meant by those words... up until now. I chose to stay away from him because I know he's only 'confused' with his sexuality and at his age I know for a fact that it's normal. I just don't want to be a catalyst of that confusion. He is young and smart... full of promise. He has a life ahead of him.

After graduation, I immediately started a call center job and I was on night shift. Then I was assigned on a day shift after like, 5 months, I don't know how it happened but my feet took me to 'that' place again... he wasn't there. I sat and waited for 30 minutes but there was no sign of him so I decided to leave. The moment I stood up, someone walked towards my direction... I captured a very familiar scent and when I looked back, I got petrified the moment I realized it was him. He grew a bit bigger, he grew a bit of facial hair which that made him more manly and handsome.

His name is Mikhail. "Mikuru" is a 'Japanized' name I equated for "Mikhail".
Good thing he didn't see me.

I chose to let go and walked away...
As I walk away, the scent slowly began disappearing...
As I walk away, I whispered to myself "Sayonara..."

Someone saw me shedding a tear and asked me why. I replied: "I fell in love with a boy."