Perks of Being Not-Really-A-Wallflower

Maki, Carlo and I were walking to meet up our other friends at Greenbelt when I suddenly exclaimed:
"Hindi ako maka move-on sa movie!"

We just finished seeing "Perks of Being a Wallflower".

Carlo: "Pinipigilan ko ngang umiyak kanina."

Me: "Ako rin kaya!"

Maki: "Bakit?"

I don't know why I was so affected by the movie... I was asking myself... why the fudge?! Then it occurred to me. I saw myself a lot of times in the character of Charlie:

I was mad... 

Nakakainis pala panuorin ang sariling katarantaduhan. I was mad at the person who reflected the reality that was me. I was mad at myself.

I was sad...

That part where he was asked to leave by Patrick in a supposed t be fun night with friends. The scene where he frantically attempts to stop himself from crying when he was already crying a river. He felt sorry for things he wasn't even responsible for and I was like: "Bobo ka ba?"

I was happy...

He still regarded those people as friends despite rejection. He genuinely wished for another person's happiness. He was a true friend up to the very end.

That kid wanted acceptance. That kid is just experiencing new things in life. That kid is new to the idea of love. That kid is haunted by his past. That kid is just... human. 

Several cringe-inducing acts influenced by desperation, getting into awkward situations because of naivety, thoughts on things like... I don't know... love? Things like these will really happen in life. Maybe that's the reason why I liked the movie so much: it is inclined to the real world I am living in.

So we finally met up with our other friends... and unexpectedly, the other friends have their other friends with them. There were so many of us, we can form a football team plus a small cheering squad. I don't know 80% of them. What perfect turn of event? Now I will know if I am a wallflower or not. Turned out I'm somewhere in between. I made several new friends and got closer to my already-existing friends.

In some occasion and other group of people, I am the life of the party and in others; I'm better off uninvited. Yeah, lots of fun and awkward moments but I'm fine with that. So what are the perks of being not-really-a-wallflower? You have to be one first to know them ;)

Inside My Head

Inside My Head by Chase

Inside my head is a battlefield; where corruption and tranquility
          found home.

With me, the clouds in the sky mourned as this little child lay helpless
          in the middle of this bloody plains.

Adjacent to the hill is a group of mercenaries wearing breastplates
          tainted with blood stains.

Near a burning haystack lies endless rows of white-painted rotting
          tombstones suffocated by chains.

To the right is a river which echoes the voice of the soon-to-be slain; a
          terrain where life drains. 

This poor little soul, an innocent and naive child crippled by hours of
          running, wailed.

Over the horizon, he saw the ocean slowly turning black where the
          ships have sailed.

Questioning himself, he just opened his mouth: "Novus Orbus." He
          exclaimed. 

Under the floating forest, on the other side is an army of warriors. Peace is
          what their white robes proclaimed.

Inked on their skin are thousands of wisdom in the form of ancient
          tattoos that are highly-acclaimed.

Trebuchets hurled decapitated heads of the weak. They want the land
          reclaimed.

Staying firmly where he stood, he prayed while the two great forces
          clashed.

One by one, moments of his feeble, lamentable and meager life
          flashed.

Rain of water turned to blood as thousands of skulls re bashed.

Reflected by the red river is the aftermath of a life-deprived war
          where everyone was ashed.

Yet this poor little soul was unscathed. Four words came out of him:
          "Haereo... Eo... Labor... Pleo..."

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Interpretation: The poem basically reflects my inability to decide for myself. The little child is me and the "two great forces" is an example of a dilemma where I get consumed. Someone told me: "If you don't know what you want, then you better know hat you do not want and base your decisions there." It's always a battle in my head. A battle that doesn't lead to anything.

"Novus" and "Orbus" are both Latin words. They mean "new" and "work" respectively. Notice that if you combine the first letters of both words, they form "NO"

"Haereo", "Eo", "Labor" and "Pleo" mean "Adhere", "Transition", "Collapse" and "Depletion". The latin wrds form the word "HELP." You get the picture. Of course, there are a lot of other meaning in this poem that I'd rather keep to myself. Thanks for reading my poem.