Bakit?

A lie, in any form will always be hurtful.

They say that actions are stronger than words, but I would conclude that actions can also be lies.

1 year akong hindi naka moveon sa 'yo. Umaasa parin. Someone told me: "Kung mahal mo, ipaglaban mo. Ganun lang yon!" Well, itong paglaban lang ang alam ko - ang ipilit ko ang sarili ko sa 'yo, baka sakaling mahalin mo ako. Wala akong pakialam kung out of pity, bastat mahalin mo lang ako.

I am convinced na wala na talagang feelings, pero bakit...

...bakit hinalikan mo rin ako nung hinalikan kita?

...bakit pinigilan mo ang braso ko nung bumitaw ako sa pagkakayakap ko sa 'yo?

...bakit mahigpit mong hinawakan ang kamay ko at nilapit mo sa pisngi mo?

...bakit binigyan mo ako ng dahilan para umasa?

I remember that night... that awkward night. Lasing na lahat and I felt pinagtabuyan ako ng lahat ng kaibigan mo, so I obediently walked away. Don't get me wrong, I don't hold any grudge with anyone. I'm not that type. But I must say, mahal na mahal ka talaga ng mga kaibigan mo.

Then after a long time... I see you holding hands with someone else.

Another lie? I don't think so. Whatever it is, I just want you to be happy... binigay mo narin ang "closure" na matagal ko nang hinihintay para tigilan kita. I am not mad and you don't owe me any explanation :)

That Old Cat... and Love

We already have enough cats in our house to form a 3-man ninja cat team... or whatever that means. Well anyway, this dirty, smelly and old cat appeared out of nowhere and was working his way through the rest and scavenging on leftovers.

I didn't want him there so I got a stick and tried to scare him away. Unfortunately, he just went around me and ran to our cats' feeding plate and grabbed whatever he could. I was pushing him away with my feet with gentle force but he was so stubborn.

Then it got me thinking...

This dirty, smelly, old cat is willing to take a few beating just as long as his hunger is satisfied... which directs me to my experience in love. Hunger and Love has something in common - you can control them, delay them, deny them but you will still feel them in the end.

... and you know what? You can push me and scare me away... but I will work my way to your heart. Stubborn? Yeah ;)

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EDIT: NOVEMBER 9, 2011

My mom told me she found the cat lying beside our car... lifeless. I guess his mission to make me realize something is accomplished so he went back to cat heaven.

R.I.P. anonymous cat... and thank you

Jet Skiing and My Personality

So the jet ski dude said: "If you know how to drive a motorbike, it'll be easy."

It's really ironic... I had my stint as a trainer at work and gave my share of assurance to my trainees but I hate it when other people give me one!

My turn on the jet ski came and after the jet ski dude gave me other instructions, I was on my own. I stood, pulled the accelerator to max and flew like a rabid wolf on meth. I effin' don't know where to go and I don't care... the strong wind was trying to knock me down but I held tighter. I was going too fast that my jet ski was bouncing up on the lake water.

I went far away from the bank and saw myself at the heart of the lake. My excitement for speed intensified to unimaginable heights.

I indulged in great speed. I was shaking because I don't know if what I am doing is alright but I went ahead and enjoyed the freedom.

I was free... no one was there to hear me yell "YEEEAAHH!" and tell me that I'm splitting their eardrums.

I was free... no one was there to see me burn the engine and tell me to slow down before I fall down...

... and it happened.. I took a sharp curve and my jet ski rotated 360 degrees but I was still on. It scared the shit out of me. I am wearing a life jacket and the safety clip is in place... I stopped looked around me and I started feeling scared... really really scared.

I realized that I am lost... I was disoriented... I didn't know where I am, how I got there and which way is back.

I realized that the water that I am raping was effin' deep... I drowned... because of my worries. What if I fell in the water and never floated? What if some sort of a water creature suddenly emerged from underneath, pulled me down and ate me.

My heart beat like a jackhammer...

I was so confident I won't fall down until I almost fell. I wanted to get out of where I am at so again, I fled in haste. On my way back, I never slowed down... still screamed on the top of my lungs and enjoyed.

"Oh, kamusta?"

"Putang ina, nakakaadik pala mag jet ski! Syet, gusto ko pa!"

Already getting a good grasp of my personality? Yes, that's how I am ;)

The Last Smile

The castle is under siege. The fortress that is once impregnable is now engulfed in flames. The stone walls that took years to build are now shattered by enemy rams. The royal knight took the prince at the hidden exit at the back of the castle.

The royal knight told his prince that he should go back and fight and his majesty must take the hidden passageway that would lead him to the forest where it is safe. It suddenly rained heavily, the number of raindrops equates to the number of casualties as more and more enemy cavalries arrive.

The royal knight promised to return back to his majesty alive but deep inside and they know very well that it is a promise that is impossible to fulfill. The enemy found them, the royal knight did his best to ward off hundreds of enraged brutes. The prince shook his head in conformity, smiled at him turned around and ran as fast as he could.

It was a bloody encounter, the royal knight is outnumbered. The prince looked back, he saw his royal knight facing towards his direction... smiling. The prince fled to safety and will now have to wait for his royal knight...

The prince never knew that a poisoned arrow pierced through his royal knight's armor... and is slowly killing him. The royal knight, using all the strength he has left struck his sword to his leg so he won't fall and with all his might, he smiled at his fleeing prince because for the last time, he wants his prince to see him smiling... and he is worth dying for.

The heavy rain was a blessing... it masked the royal knight's heavy tears. Then he submitted to death... smiling.

The Mystery Biker

Riding on a cool bike he stopped and gave me a weird look,

On his head he wore an impenetrable fortress made from a thick book.

Nodding, he told me: "You look like someone I could take care."

After starting his bike he said: "Hop on, whilst there is no fare."

Like a child yearning for a retort, I grabbed his arms,

Delighted to see someone driving for me has irresistible charms.

Just when I'm about to speak, the stench of worry reeked,

Over the valley of nothingness, words barely leaked.

Hours passed, we never knew because we were having so much fun,

Nothing seemed to matter until we realized there was no sun.

Smiling at me, after seeing me tremble he said: "Hang on tight."

Must be the fact that you make me feel things will be alright.

It's time for me to take the other road and it suddenly poured,

Troubled but we have to go our own ways, he gave me a cord.

He told me: "Never let go, coz losing you is something I can't afford."

A Trainer Named "Jerry"

So I got hired in a call center a month ago...

blah blah blah... to make the story short, Jerry was sent here from the U.S. to train us on products that we will be selling soon.

Jerry looks like a typical Filipino dude. With brown skin, pinoy looks and average height, he can pretty much blend in a crowd and no one will ever know that he's American unless you talk to him. He said it himself, all he needs to learn is the language (Filipino) and he can totally belong! And oh, he grew up in Guam (a U.S. territory) and both of his parents are Filipino and now he is residing in Oregon, U.S.A. just so you know.

Jerry here is showing us how to set up an atomic clock.

He is the type of person who is focused on work but is also up to almost anything when it comes to having fun... and I admire him for that.

I love joking around and laughing all the time. During interviews when a recruiter asks me: "What are your work ethics?" I'd say "Promoting fun in the workplace." I believe if you promote fun in the office and all other mates are having fun as well, it could be enough reason for them to look forward in going to work and that's a big thing!

When it comes to work, focus all your energies at work. Absorb and retain as much information as you can. I joke around but at the same time I can prove myself... and Jerry made me realize that.

So one of our office mates had a party and I was actually surprised to see Jerry there. He said he will come but I never knew that he will really come but I'm glad he did because we had a nice and long cultural exchange... and of course a little bit of green jokes on the side. He is so down to earth, funny and he knows how to have fun! Hours later and almost everyone is drunk (tipsy at the very least) and I told him that I wanna sing and he needs to sing with me on stage! He kept saying no. So I made him choose - "Eat balut or sing with me?" I guess he chose the less revolting one and I was able to pull his arm and sing.

"Wherever You Will Go" drunk version. LOL!

Here is a link to the video (if you are my friend in Facebook) http://www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=2068869454928&comments&set=t.1640595029&type=1

Jerry is a cool guy! I like how we (my office mates and I) can casually talk about anything under the sun and drink to our heart's content! He is now back in Oregon and another batch of trainers are on their way. I just hope they are as nice as Jerry.

Thanks for the fun times Jerry! ... and Ingat ka palagi! :)

Till We Meet Again, Nisa

"Pag ako namatay, iiyak ka ba?"

If my memory serves me well, she asked me this one almost three years ago.

"Oo naman!"

I was hoping to comfort her because she looked a bit serious at that moment... a different side from what she always shows to other people - a jolly and trouble-free girl.


She's this all-around class jester. She is known for her funny antics and for that she is well-loved by everyone. Who wouldn't? Nisa is someone who wants every face smiling.

I received the bad news that she already passed away. I was in complete denial. I kept on saying no and thought that she's just pulling a prank to the whole wave... but unfortunately no. Feb. 15, she already joined our dear Lord. I cried... and looked for the almost withered bracelet she bought for me 2 years ago when we met and pulled it closer to my heart.

"Alam nyo, wag nyong lolokohin ang mga joker, kasi minsan sila pa ang problemado, dinadaan nalang sa patawa."

Contrary to what most people see... her life is full of challenges.

As we lie down in my room and exchange sentiments... I felt her and I can't even imagine living her life.

3 years later... I found her lying in a coffin... lifeless. A lot of things flashed before my eyes... if there's one thing I regret doing, it's failing to tell her that I love her and she means a lot to me. People come and go in our lives... but Nisa never left my heart. She helped me in a lot of different ways and I am thankful for having a friend like her. I love you my dear friend, dalawin mo naman ako sa panaginip and tell me how beautiful heaven is. =)

We love you, Nisa! You will always be remembered! - Wave 77 (Etelecare Global Solutions)